What if every night could include tons of non-stop amazing dances?
Well, it can...
And if you're like me, you might even access this simply by changing the way you ask for a dance.
However, this wasn't always the case for me.
When I first started dancing, yes, almost every dance was pretty awesome.
That said, as I improved my dancing, I eventually started only having amazing dances on rare occasions.
They usually occurred when I danced with the really great dancers in my scene, or when I traveled to big yearly dance events.
Can you relate?
Well, the good news is...this can change.
Blues & Fusion Dancer, Sacramento, CA
Now I often have non-stop amazing dances in my local scene, even though many of my dances are with brand new to intermediate dancers.
And this huge impact largely came from simply changing the way I ask for a dance.
So...
How do you ask someone to dance?
Here are 3 ways to ask someone to dance:
- Look around the room for someone you enjoy dancing with and ask them to dance.
- Look around the room for someone you can give a great dance to and ask them to dance.
- When you end one dance, simply turn around and ask the person closest to you. If they say yes, commit to having an amazing dance, no matter who they are, what their experience level, etc.
I used to always do option 1. However, when I switched to option 2, and especially option 3, that is when I really started to have more and more amazing dances.
Even if these changes seem really simple, don't let that stop you from experiencing the power in them.
Look at how Jonathan almost missed out on the power of this tip and then had his "aha" moment an hour later.
” When I first read this post, it didn't strike me as interesting or important at all. ”
It actually took coming back to it after an hour that I realized that this was the common denominator in all of my favorite dancing experiences. Since you've only got a couple minutes to work with, the way you start a dance tends to be the way it continues. So starting off with the right attitude is absolutely essential.
In all those incredible dance nights I've had, I realize that with zero exceptions, I was trying to find people that I could give amazing dances to, which often ended up being my favorite dances.
The nights when I've just used the first method, asking who I liked dancing with, have generally left me feeling a bit insecure and uncertain.
So while it may seem small to some, this is exactly what I needed. Mind = blown.
Jonathan B.
Discussing this with thousands of dancers, I've learned many of us have different beliefs for why this helps create more amazing dances.
Here is one reason...
Why this creates amazing dances...
Options 2 & 3 are really powerful because they can change your subconscious and conscious perception of who has the power to make your dances amazing.
For example, when I used to use option 1 all the time, and ask other people that I enjoy dancing with to dance, I was subconsciously suggesting they were the reason our dances were amazing. Over time, I started to actually need them (or at least dancers of their caliber) to have those magic dances. Don't get me wrong, I still love those dancers. I just don't need them in order to have those amazing dances anymore.
When I switched to option 2 & 3, I started making a conscious choice that it was ME that was going to be the one to make the dance magical. Of course, I don't always succeed...but I succeed way more often now that I'm making a conscious effort to be the one that makes the magic happen.
And this conscious thought process has snowballed into soooooooo much more...
Magic Dances
Dance Ninjas was created to help more dancers become the people who create those magical dances. That way, you (and everyone you encounter) can experience more and more amazing dances!
"If a great dance seems to happen magically, and you don't feel you did anything different compared to your other dances, it probably wasn’t magic. It was probably your partner. Let's become that partner."
Andrew Sutton
An Extra Benefit For Some Dancers
For those of you who already get asked to dance a lot, there is one more great part about Option 3.
Here is how it plays out for me...
When I am doing Option 1 (or even 2), and I'm on my way to go ask someone to dance, I usually get asked to dance before I get to the person that I was going to ask. Then if I'm not paying attention, sometimes I spend that dance planning to make sure I dance with the original person I was thinking to ask.
Now I'm pretty sure I'd have enjoyed that dance more if I was fully engaged in the dance I was having, rather than thinking about a future dance with some other partner.
Plus, when this happens several times in a row, it can get really frustrating! I know I can also say no, but I don't tend to think of that on the spot (and besides, I like saying yes). Before I found a way to change this, I had nights where this happened every single song for hours on end (sometimes the entire night). This can be extremely frustrating to have a goal of asking someone to dance and constantly failing all night long.
Of course, it is also extremely flattering to get asked to dance so much, and I do love that. At the same time, it can still be frustrating to constantly fail in my goal of asking someone to dance.
By choosing Option 3, since I just turn around and ask the person closest to me, I almost always succeed...
...and constant success feels way more awesome than constant failure.
When to use option #1
If you always do options 2 & 3 and you haven't had amazing dances in a while, then you might want to switch things up and try option 1.
My goal here is not to tell you that one way is the right way, but instead to point out that you have more than one option.
So if one method isn't working, try a different one.
But wait...
There's more benefits to come
By practicing this concept every night I went dancing, this also helped me become more aware of many more situations where I was waiting for someone else to make the dance amazing...
- When is Sam finally going to learn the X technique?
- When is my partner going to stop doing that thing I hate?
Etc, etc...
If you have similar thoughts, my challenge for you is to ask yourself the following:
- When am I going to learn how to have amazing dances with someone who doesn't know the X technique?
- When am I going to learn how to turn that thing I hate into something I enjoy? Yes, I know this can be tough! Still, in my experience, it can almost always be done. Keep in mind...99.99% of the time, the thing you hate is something that someone else somewhere in the world doesn't hate. What can you learn from them so that you can enjoy more dances?
When you are able to answer questions like these, you will have gained the power to create those magical dances with everyone, so you both can have a more amazing experience.
Of course, it isn't always easy to answer these questions, but the first step is the awareness to ask.
Being aware of this helped me to stop waiting and take action. Over time, now that I've been analyzing dance from this perspective for 15+ years, I've learned how to solve close to every problem I've encountered.
And I hope to help you too.
Want help creating more amazing dances for you and your partners?
This is exactly what we work on in Dance Ninjas Dance Training.
With everything we teach, we ask "How do we teach this in a way that helps you have more amazing dances with everyone (not just those that learned this too)?"
Plus, we even have a full month long training on "Making Every Dance Amazing" where we deep dive into the most common ways intermediate and advanced dancers block themselves from having amazing dances. That way, you can overcome these blocks and enjoy more dances.
Can you relate with any of the ideas above?
Either way...
Share your thoughts in the comments below.
For example, just complete one of these sentences "This reminds me of when..." or "This is similar to..." or "I disagree because in my experience...".
Then look at some of the thoughts from other dancers for extra learning possibilities.
Create More Amazing Dances!
Writing out your thoughts on something you just learned increases retention and makes it more likely to implement what you learned. So not only does sharing help others, it helps yourself too.
So scroll down, share your thoughts, and create more amazing dances for you and your partners!
I have tried this approach, and it really changes the evening for me for the better. It pushes my character and creativity out! My body can just do MORE.
The only tricky thing is, I tend to slip back into a feeling that “I could do better, IF I had a better partner. If someone understood me more.” I consider this normal, but also a part of unconstructive arrogance that makes me go sour 😡
I think it is also important to determine what social dancing actually means to you as a dancer. I realized I have a tendency to see social dancing as hardcore training, not a place to have fun, and that also comes with side-effects. 🙂
demenca I definitely understand how easy it is to slip back into that “IF I had a better partner” feeling. Even when I learned this concept, I used to slip back into it all the time (pretty much every night) and then over time, I could go for 3 or 4 nights in a row before slipping and now I can go months before slipping. Even still, sometimes I slip and get stuck in that feeling for 1 song, sometimes for an entire night, and sometimes for an entire month (those are the worst).
Sometimes I find it helpful to step back and look at my overall success rate. If I think of it like a graph, I feel my success streaks are definitely growing longer and the amounts of time between success streaks is growing shorter (on average, of course their are occasional dips). 🙂
When I first read this post, it didn’t strike me as interesting or
important at all. It actually took coming back to it after an hour that I
realized that this was the common denominator in all of my favorite
dancing experiences. Since you’ve only got a couple minutes to work
with, the way you start a dance tends to be the way it continues. So
starting off with the right attitude is
absolutely essential.
In all those incredible dance nights I’ve
had, I realize that with zero exceptions, I was trying to find people
that I could give amazing dances to, which often ended up being my
favorite dances. The nights when I’ve just used the first method, asking
who I liked dancing with, have generally left me feeling a bit insecure
and uncertain.
So while it may seem small to some, this is exactly what I needed. Mind = blown.
@Jonathan So glad you shared this! I think a lot of people will relate to your first sentence and this might be the push they need to actually take it seriously.
I love to teach and, because of that, I love when beginners grace our scene. I know so many dancers who think dancing with beginners is a drag and I’ve never understood that because I consistently have really fun dances with beginner dancers. Reading this post made me realize why – it’s a different attitude. I see beginners as a precious participants. They’re vital to the life of a dance scene and if they don’t have a great time, they’ll never come back. Plus, they occupy a space in their dances and learning that a lot of seasoned dancers forget about. They still have starry-eyed mystification at this magical thing we all come together to do.
@AnnaGrace Totally agree that beginners are extremely important and it can be a blast to dance with them!
I think a big aspect of how successful you are at this depends on how you learned to dance (either on your own or from your teachers). For example, did you learn to react to your partners or did you learn a specific way to do things that requires your partner to react in a specific way. If you learned with the latter method, it can be frustrating when newbies (or anyone) doesn’t do those things they are expected to do.
I think it is very normal to learn the second method but we often don’t notice it. For example, I was commonly taught that follows should “follow” which is a very specific way to do things. So when I danced with dancers that didn’t follow (newbies or not but usually newbies), this was frustrating for me because I didn’t know how to have a great dance with that person.
When I finally started thinking about reacting to my partner when they didn’t follow me, I started seeing many different things I could do to have a great dance with a follow that didn’t follow. I no longer needed them to follow to have a great dance with them and I started having great dances a lot more often.
Of course, I am not perfect at this yet and occasionally still see moments where I don’t dance reactively and instead dance in a specific way that requires a specific outcome but I am always learning more of these moments and improving upon them as I find them. Counterbalance is a great one that I am still working on overcoming!